“ I’m not Bougie, I Just have Boundaries “

3.6.23

In my last blog post “ It’s okay to forgive and not forget “ , check that out after you finishing reading if you haven’t already. I spoke about being able to forgive and not allowing that person re-entry into your life. You know the old saying “ fool me once shame on you , fool me twice shame on me “. I wouldn’t use the word shame exactly , but sometimes in life you can’t be upset about what keeps happening to you , or how someone’s treating you if you keep allowing it. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was stop letting people get a second and third chance to show you how they feel about you. Whether that’s family, friends, or relationships. That leads us into todays topic of boundaries. See some people on the outside ,( not that we care about outside opinions on this blog ) ,can see boundaries as being bougie or even stuck up. Although boundaries aren’t made to keep things out , they’re meant to protect what’s already in. When you’re in school they teach you all the basic responsibilities of an adult , but no one tells you how to set boundaries. Especially when it comes to difficult situations. Like that loved one or that significant other who’s wronged you more than once , but you except the apology and move forward and let them in your life again. What I’ve learned is it’s okay to set requirements in your life. See boundaries to me are like TSA at an airport. The same way you can’t bring this , that, or the third thing on a plane is the same way you won’t be bringing manipulation, false promises, animosity, lies, etc, into my life. Unlike TSA though, I’m not checking your bags to make sure that you don’t have it. When it comes to boundaries , it’s up to the person who wants to be in your life to show you that they can respect those boundaries. The best part about creating boundaries in your life is that they don’t have to make sense to anyone but you. The right people meant to be in your life will respect them and abide by them with ease. Anyone who doesn’t, isn’t meant to be there. Having boundaries is like having bs blockers on in your life. Not allowing others to talk to you a certain way. Not taking responsibility for how others feel or think ( about you or anything else). Knowing that people will have the guaranteed right to their own opinion about you , but they will not disrespect you. Boundaries is speaking up for yourself even when you think the other person won’t want to hear it. A new boundary I’ve developed is saying what I have to say to acknowledge my disrespect and not caring at all about the other persons response, especially if they’ve shown you history of manipulation. Boundaries are crucial in a world like this. Not everyone is kind and a lot of people will pretend to be a certain way just to get close to you. I’ve experienced this in the past and because of my lack of boundaries at the time I’ve let people walk over me. Many of us are guilty of that one man or the one friend who we gave a chance to time and time again. Having boundaries in place changed the game for me. Don’t just set them up and then maybe let some things slide. That would be a suggestion. Be firm on your boundaries ! A lot of people can be scared to speak up for themselves when it comes to their boundaries. No one is going to do it for you. I’ll be speaking more about fear in my next post “ On the Other Side is Everything You Want “ . As someone who’s experienced life without boundaries , the transition into it can seem difficult but I promise it’s a whole new world. Ask yourself what behaviors you will and won’t allow in your life and take a second look at any relationships in your life currently exhibiting those behaviors. If that person refuses to do anything different don’t be afraid to cut the cord on that connection. Boundaries are meant to teach other people how to treat you and teach you self-respect. Remember that it is absolutely okay to always say no to anything that doesn’t resonate with who you are or what you want out of life. Also that it is never your responsibility in life to sacrifice any part of yourself to make someone else room to fit. The ones who are meant to be there will slide in with ease. I hope you took something from this blog post. Keep in mind that a lack of boundaries is a lack of respect and the biggest form of self love is to be able to let people know what you will and will not allow. Share this post with your friends, family, on social media, or with anyone who you know might need to read this. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. Keep speaking bold, bright, and most importantly with love 💕 ✨

**Please also feel free to email me any topics you may need more insight on.